New Beginnings

Oh, how beautiful new beginnings are... How writers like to romanticize new beginnings, a new home, a new country to explore, a new love or a fresh carreer when you’re stuck in yours.. It all looks so beautiful in the cinema, but we soon discover the theory is different from the practice.

First, let me introduce myself, my name is Marina de Bem Maya Rezende. I was born on a paradise island in Brazil, daughter of a mother and father who are both surfers. I grew up on the beach surrounded by nature… and of course… at the age of 6 I surfed all day and, at 12 I picked up surfing as a professional career and at 14 I started traveling around brazil, then south-america, followed by some of the best and most beautiful beaches in the world. The life that "I asked God for’ no?*.

But of course like every profession, when you’re actually living it it is not all flowers and roses. Especially, and who is Brazilian will know, even more so for who tries to be a woman athlete or artist in this beautiful country of ours known for carnival and football. You need more resources then raw talent and hard work to make it to the world stage as a professional surfer and I gradually saw all my talents and potential falling in the water. (literally) because I was born without many opportunities. Although we never lacked food on the table I just wasn't born into a rich family that could pay to travel the world.

But back to the story, since I was feeling frustrated with my career as a competing surfer, unable to break through to the world stage. I didn't see much prospect for my future... I was already feeling frustrated with my career and I felt an urge to live something more, something less superficial, to explore the world and not just from the beach to the hotel as our trips to championships & competitions are, but to open up for everything I've deprived myself of during these years as a professional competitor, because as an athlete we have to dedicate 100% of our energy to sports and there's not much left for other areas of life.

“Daughter of a mother and father who are both surfers. I grew up on the beach surrounded by nature… and of course… at the age of 6 I surfed all day…”

So after a lot of crying, existential crises and indecisions, I decided to leave my sweet sponsorships, stop competing, buy a ticket to Portugal and fly off to Europe, live, try, surf free, travel and of course, start over!
How wonderful...
Little did I know that I would "eat the bread that the devil kneaded**"
LOL

Well actually, if someone had told me what I would go through in my first months in Portugal, even when knowing that it would get better later, I definitely wouldn't have had the courage to leave, not even to set a foot on the plane.

But since life doesn't come with spoilers or instruction manuals, I off course didn't know what was waiting for me. I packed my backpack and left with that sweet taste of hope and a fresh start, crossing the ocean and leaving behind everything that i was up until then. My family, my career, the comfort of home and close friends and everything I built during these long 27 years. Portugal here we go!!

“I packed my backpack and left with that sweet taste of hope and a fresh start…”

My darling… if I could talk to that Marina of a few months ago I would give her a strong hug and say "grab a tissue, rest now, take a deep breath and sit down because you’re going for a ride! I will try to summarize the next few months because I am not writing a bible, but a brief text.

Arriving in Portugal, I stayed at a friend's house, sharing the same bed for a week, everything was normal until the ant infestation started in the corner of room, because it was spring and of course that was exactly where my clothes were... I quickly rented a room to bridge the time before I could start living with another friend. At the same time I also started a job in a small surfshop, 6 days a week, without a proper weekend, walking to work & walking back, carry a grocery bag up a hill. But that's okay, 1 hour of walking and some ants didn't kill nobody. The only thing that got killed was my ego! It may seem superficial, but until then, my life revolved around training, taking care of my body and mind, supported by a network of professionals preparing me to reach the maximum of my potential. Used to the facilities and doors that opened easily, being a "reference" for sports in my state and country and living a life that I was taking for granted. And here I was a nobody, my life was restarting from scratch and I was sitting behind a counter in a small surf school serving tourists all day long; "hey, good morning! can I help you"? No time to surf, only for survival. It was definitely my first slap in the face, my ego screaming and having a nervous breakdown before I had to completely rebuild myself (I’m currently at V.10 btw).

“I was sitting behind a counter in a small surf school serving tourists all day long; hey, good morning! can I help you?…”

As I move to my new house I realize my friend just forgot to let me know that she lived in the middle of the countryside, where there were no buses, barely a neighborhood to give me a ride and 2 hours of walking + mount everest between our home & my work. I didn’t have a chance of going back to a better house or brazil, because I had no more money or options, sometimes I took a ride with her and sometimes I went by bike for 2 hours pedaling up the mountain, often carrying the bike. I had so much pain in my legs in the first few days that I discovered muscles that I didn't even know existed (I know I’ve been an athlete my whole live, but you don’t bike on water). At the point that I had a flat tire in the middle of nowhere, without being able to be late for work and nobody to help me is when I decided that I was no longer able to live here without a car. I put together the little that was left over from my salary and borrowed a little more to buy a car that was older than me. I was the happiest person in the world for a few weeks, I even managed to go back to surfing every day, which was something I didn't even remember anymore since i was working 6 days a week. But as life moves in waves this wave unfortunately didn't last long… lol. It all started when my stick car started to break down once a week, and my gringo date thought he could fix the car window, instead breaking it in the process. It wasn’t a big deal anyway since a month later the car BLEW ITS ENGINE. Just a few meters before the very top of Mount Everest. How I managed to do a reversed decent without breaks or an engine I still don’t know.
aiii jesus 2 more months of paying down a car I didn't even have anymore. So I went back to life, walking, back to not surfing and back to exhaustion.

“It wasn’t a big deal anyway since a month later the car BLEW ITS ENGINE. Just a few meters before the very top of Mount Everest…”

Any way, No Car. No Problem right?
I move to another house, the size of of walk in closet, to share a bed with another friend for a few months, but this time there's a bus stop and civilization nearby... obaaaaaa my problems are over kkkkk Hold your horses dear…

I was happy for a good 2 weeks, until an unusual rain started in Portugal, which resulted in flooding my house and a small rat infestation on top of it. Reasons enough to move again! (fifth house in 5 months) Without any days off i started to give surf lessons to earn extra money. And at the height of my physical and mental exhaustion I started to ask myself what the hell I'm doing with my life and why I'm not on my paradise island earning a salary to travel and compete... Regret, crying, despair… But at that moment I was already completely lost, and financially in such bad shape that I couldn't even buy a ticket back home. Without being able to surf and be close to my passion, which is what makes me feel alive and what made me come here in the first place. I was literally, a fish out of water. Drinking and going out every day to forget about my problems and trying not to have the feeling I “screwed up” my life in brazil.

“An unusual rain started in Portugal, which resulted in flooding my house and a small rat infestation on top of it…”

Almost completely spend, I managed to make a scheme with a friend and buy a car again,
I rented it to a friend to earn some extra money.

Of course, the probability of someone hitting the car when it was safely parked and wrecking it was high, given my current situations, so hello, more stress, less money, more crying, low immunity. What could possibly happen next? Getting sick… and there I go to the hospital this time pissing blood with a urinary infection thats already reaching into my kidneys.

Oh God? what am i doing wrong? why is all this happening? why? why?

And at the height of my despair, sitting a little deeper than rock bottom, hahaah… I watch one of those movies that tries to make us realise how much of our life is actually “good” and how biased we are to only see pain and suffering in our mundane problems. (film: As Nadadoras ) Why do we focus and suffer so much on problems when they will always be there? There will always be problems, there will always be something to solve.

I started to want to look on the bright side and I decided that was going to make it worthwhile, I didn't come this far for nothing and I knew I had a safe haven to return to. So let's enjoy the path and its winding road. I felt like I was in charge of my path again (of course, it didn't happen overnight by watching a movie, right! It took a lot of internal work and willpower to pick up my responsibilities and take life back in my hand, to stop depending on luck rather than effort). And that was one of the most important parts, to stop moaning about everything that was going wrong and start asking myself what was my responsibility in all of this? what could I have done differently and from what I have now, how would I build my dreams and goals?

When we remember why we are here. In my case, ‘why I chose to be so far away’? The answer usually comes with the feeling of "it's going to be worth it in the end". And in fact it's already been worth it. All the adventures and the feeling of surfing a new break for the first time... The chance to fall in love on the other side of the ocean, figure out life and find back the magic even in the midst of chaos... The feeling of becoming stronger and more resistant and knowing that I REALLY made it happen and yes I can handle much more than I ever imagined and last but not least, the acceptance of the harmless kilos I gained experiencing this wonderful gastronomy, eating and trying everything along this magical coast called PORTUGAL.

“All the adventures and the feeling of surfing a new break for the first time... The chance to fall in love on the other side of the ocean, figure out life and find back the magic even in the midst of chaos...”

I end this outburst with both the bitter and sweet taste of new beginnings, they are not easy and they are not romantic. However, difficulties will always be there, and they will always be equivalent to the size of our dreams. So if the dream is big, the road will be long, with ups and downs. So enjoy the breeze on your face when you're at the top and hold your breath when you're at the bottom, remember your ‘why’ and know that at the bottom, the only possible way is up.

Brazilian sayings:
*When something couldn’t be more perfect
**When you’re about to experience something unpleasant