Free Surf x Competitive

After years of, traveling around the world, pressure, training, results, sponsors, packing, unpacking, carrying a board bag back and forth, hard situations, and an individual and sometimes lonely life. I realized that my passion for surfing wasn't in disputing my level with other girls, my happiness was found in enjoying a good surf session expressing myself and my personality drawing on the lines of the ocean in an almost perfectly rehearsed synchrony with this unpredictable force of nature.

“…I realized that my passion for surfing wasn't in disputing my level with other girls…

So, going back in time… My parents say that I always had an inexplicable attraction for the sea, as soon as I learned to walk I would run straight into the water countless times, until one day my father let me go alone to “take a fright” and see if I would stop with that. Did it work? no…

I grew up on the beach seeing my father in the water and as soon as I understood myself as “human” I just wanted to do the same. As my father was a swimming coach, I think the sense of competition was already intrinsic inside me and 2 years later for sure, I was already in a competition. And at that moment, after the ecstasy feeling of being a champion for the first time in my life, at the age of 8 years old, I decided on my future and what my profession would be kkkkk it sounds comical, but it's true!

It was never forced, I think my deep desire and biggest goal at that time was to surf better than my father (objective successfully completed lol).

“…And at that moment, at the age of 8 years old, I decided on my future and what my profession would be kkkkk it sounds comical, but it's true…”

I can say that my life really revolved around surfing and competitions from the age of 14. When I started to be on the road at least twice a month, state competitions, national, south American and it stayed like that for a few years.

I would say after always being among the top 6 girls on national and South American, at 23 years old I started to not feel so happy with “this life” and all I knew until then… I felt that it lacked depth, lacked connection, lacked meaning. Suddenly life became waking up early, training until dark, eating well, physiotherapy, psychologist, nutritionist, hotel rooms, championships, time to show everything I trained for, crying, back home, training more, next championship… A lot of discipline, distance from the family, few true relationships, lots of fun, lots of facilities, but little depth... Suddenly none of that made sense to me... Entering the sea to do what I love and leaving the sea stressed because I couldn't make that section or that maneuver began to get heavy.

“…Suddenly life became waking up early, training until dark, eating well, physiotherapy, psychologist, nutritionist, hotel rooms…”

Then the doubt began; if I'm doing what I love most (surfing) why am I finishing the session stressed? "something wrong isn't right" around here.

So there were 3 years of uncertainty, you can imagine that as an athlete it is clear that, if you want to be the best in the world, you have to want that more than anyone else and your life has to revolve 100% around it, then doubt is probably not the best fuel for an athlete.

“…There were many victories, many defeats, millions of lessons that only sport gives us, full of discipline, persistence, keeping calm under pressure, dealing with fear and anxiety, long and short term goals, among many other essentials to have a balance life…”

It was 2022, after the corona messed with everyone's heads locked inside the house. I made the hardest decision of my life, I'm going to stop competing, leave my current sponsor and start over in another country, far away from here. In a way an escape, in another way the best choice I made.

It only took me a little while to realize that I loved going surfing with friends without any pressure. It took me a little time to realize that the sessions I didn't surf well were also fun. It didn’t take much time for me to feel happy that my financial life no longer depended on my surfing and that created a lightness, it took a weight off my shoulders. Honestly, nowadays I think that mixing our sport, our passion, with "money" doesn't always work, it often stops being a pleasure and becomes an obligation.

I can say there were many victories, many defeats, and millions of lessons that only sport gives us, full of discipline, persistence, keeping calm under pressure, dealing with fear and anxiety, long and short-term goals, among many other essentials to have a balanced life. Today I have certainty that the ocean and sport were my greatest teachers in life, they built the person I am today and the only certainty I have in life now is that I want to do this for as long as my body can handle it. But free, light and loose or as some people call it, a “free surfer”.

“…I want to do this for as long as my body can handle it. But free, light and loose or as some people call it, as a FREE SURFER…”

PS: I think it was important to write about this because this transition from professional to free surfing is a psychological game where I've seen so many athletes get lost, where I’ve seen so many friends who are going through this painful change and I wanted them to know more about it. I wanted them to talk more about this and that subject should be more publicized. Also for the little ones, the new generation who are already starting to surf to become world champions. Or even for the parents who impose this future on their children to give them the opportunity that they didn't have… I think competition life is one of the greatest teachers in life. But let it be clear that being an athlete is a part of our life, it is just one gear in the engine of life. The problem is that we are forgetting that we are much more than winning championships and it has caused many athletes to have depression for many years. It’s beautiful, a successful career but even more beautiful is having a good foundation and people we love around us. And sometimes it is necessary to accept that an 8-year old child's dream no longer matches the goals of an adult and it's okay not to make childhood dreams come true, because dreams change throughout life and that's not a sign of weakness or giving up but a sign of maturity and discernment. When athletes think life is over when their career ends, in fact, it’s only the beginning.